time to vent*

 I guess my tolerance for the bullshit going on in the world has lowered
recently.

Many years back when I was searching for validation for my sexual
orientation I got interested in gay rights and the politics surrounding gay
marriage, as well as doing all sorts of ground-level research on attitudes
towards homosexuality. I was lucky to be smart enough to start with the
premise that I'm a good person and that love is a good thing - had my faith
in those things been less than solid, I might have been convinced to change
my views.

Like any teen facing sexuality issues, particularly gay ones, my eyes and
ears had become highly attuned to gay notions and sideplots in media and
culture - the news, magazines, television, movies, music, and not least the
sex education in the different schools I was in... And finally, the
internet, which gave me the most to work with. Websites devoted to current
gay-issue politics, the history of pride, community websites and
publications, not to mentions novels and short stories of both factual and
fictive origins...

And all this constantly faced off with loud (but fringe) groups of
religious zealots, different kinds of psychiatric research, news on
anti-gay hate crime, and direct opinions of many different demographics on
many different discussion groups - both anti-gay and pro-gay.

So what do you think, how did that go? Yes, it was a fucking shit-tempest.
The stuff I had to face had me crying, feeling lonely, wallowing in
self-defeat, furiously angry - and at times happy, reassured, confident and
optimistic. But mostly depressed and angry, with nobody to support me in
the turmoil of emotions that followed from this research. Some of the most
prominent feelings generated by these various conflicting and mostly highly
negative sources of (mis)information were those of inadequacy, being
worthless, disregarded as a human being and without any value to my life -
and that's putting it nicely. Reading various forums had me thinking, "How
can these people say such things about ME? Have they no consideration for
my intrinsic human value? Can it be true that nothing else I do in life
will have no bearing on these people's opinion on me as long as I'm gay?"

From discovering how narrow-minded and downright violent the opinions of so
many people seemed to be stemmed great frustration and anger. I set out to
find information to counter the false beliefs of these hate-preachers.
Being smart about the internet and a media-literate youth in general, I
believed almost nothing of what I read on pages like the infamous "god
hates fags" site of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. It was
ridiculous from the outset! But that did not stop me from feeling bad about
it: The fact that such a website existed meant that somebody DID believe in
it. I had the good mind to explore and ease my pain by seeking out
alternatives ("god loves fags"), but I knew many others might not. So from
what started out as research to help me grow up to become a sane and
responsible gay man grew a desire to go all out on a crusade against the
crusaders. I did not become an activist because I was initially too afraid
to come out of the closet, but I did my part in my own community (school
and friends), and occasionally tried to bring a voice of reason into some
discussion groups online (which was difficult because I was a zealot
myself!). I did what I could primarily to preserve my own sanity, and
secondarily to bring some basic compassion and understanding into the
political discussions that seemed so devoid of it. I was never and never
will be a front-and-center activist and spokesman, so I had to pick my
fights on a smaller scale. My goal was to hopefully inspire some of the
people I've met in my short life to think twice before bashing gays, and to
come out of the closet myself.

But eventually I just got tired of it all. In a few years of watching
absolutely nothing change in the arguments, my desire to fight withered
away. There are still many things to fight for even here in the relatively
liberal Finland, but I've seen the argument change from civil unions to
adoption to media views to stereotypes to marriage to discrimination in the
workplace and occasionally back to civil unions and blah blah and so
forth... With the rhetoric used being the exact same in each and every
argument, be it in the parliament or on the internet forums. Eventually I
stopped reading those forums, since all they did to me was make me feel bad
and sad. If the boards I frequented had any political categories, I just
stopped reading them and focused on the other categories. Because quite
frankly, a sane person does not continuously and voluntarily subject
himself to emotional agony, which is the only thing I get from reading
discussions about "gay issues" where anti-gays step in.

Which brings us to today, and the reason I'm ranting. When I got
familiarized with the Time Magazine 10/10/2005 issue and its cover story,
all these emotions sprung back. I stepped into a landmine of bullshit once
again, and I want out. The argument? Gay repression like "Love Won Out"
catching on in America - with young gays being willing participants.

I will quote the writer on feedback of the column:

(Quote)
Some teenagers—a minority, I think, but some—are confused about their
sexuality. [...] The right in general, and programs designed to change
homosexuality in particular, have focused unprecedented resources on these
uncertain kids since 2000. [...] Focus on the Family is hosting events for
hundreds of gay and questioning teenagers and their parents called "Love
Won Out." These Love Won Out conferences are designed to reinforce the
negative stereotypes that the kids have about gay culture and also to
convince these kids that they don't have to claim a gay identity—that they
can "walk with Christ" instead.
(End quote)

The writer was responsible enough to make it explicitly clear that
psychiatric professionals "agree that trying to reject one's homosexual
impulses will usually be fruitless and depressing—and can lead to suicide".
Again, I'm not angry about the article itself - the writer is reporting,
and it's a good thing he is. But here's the problem...

Very few gays are actually into the "scene". The stereotypes that people
have about the "gay culture" as it was in the past was summed in a passing
sentence as "being leftist, or all about partying, or all about Cher". The
new gay youth has no connection to it, but the stereotypes live on. The
religious right is drawing on this aversion to gay clichés to willingly
recruit gays into their brainwashing operations. They saw how society has
changed and realized that "god hates fags" isn't going to cut it. So they
softened their rhetoric, went all into "love the sinner, hate the sin"-mode
- and further, saying that "you don't have to be GAY just because you ARE
gay", if that makes any kind of sense to you. If you read one paragraph on
the Love Won Out website, you'll understand. It's still the same
non-scientific brainwashing that aims to steer the public opinion into the
direction that being gay is -- and I quote their website: "preventable and
treatable".

But I just can't keep fighting. I read one seemingly harmless Time article
and got sucked into this pit once again, even though it wasn't my
intention. I thought the article would be harmless. In a way it was - it
was about how the new gay youth just wants to live a normal life and be
done with campaigning for gay rights - but the report on Exodus and Focus
On Family crossed the pain threshold for me and I was compelled to... rant.
In a big way, too.

So what's my point, exactly?

"Love Won Out" is still gay-bashing propaganda, it's just smoother around
the edges than "god hates fags". Even if you think that being an activist
is not for you and you agree that being gay is not something that should
define your life - hell, 99% gays will agree on both points - you should
never stop thinking critically about what kind of organizations and
governments you are supporting by your actions. Do not stand with the
gay-bashing crowd just because you agree with their views on capital income
taxes. Read between the lines and vote for the right people when you have a
chance to cast a vote. To summarize, I will present an inspirational quote
from a Zach Vernon at blogcritics.org:

(Quote)
I'm not an activist, per say. I feel it is necessary to at least inform
those people of my generation, straight, gay, bi, curious, what-have-you of
the things that are happening among those of the older generations. I also
feel it is important for them to have an opinion about such actions.

So, while I absolutely agree that kids my age and lower just want to be
normal, the activists that are fighting so hard are just trying to make it
to where, when us "children" are old enough to get married, have
children/adopt, and a variety of other things, we HAVE that option.

At this very moment, my state (Texas) is proposing an amendment to our
state constitution not only making sure that gay marriages/civil-unions are
illegal, but that any legal rights that a gay couple could possibly share
will be withheld.

Those activists are fighting against this amendment so that when I am
ready, I can marry the man of my choosing. That I can share in the benefits
of hospital visitation rights, right to an attorney, right to custody of
the child we share...

Are they pressuring the younger generation a little too much? Possibly. In
fact, almost assuredly.

Does the younger generation need a good, firm kick in the butt to get into
some sort of action instead of just letting themselves be discriminated?

You bet your assets.
(End quote)

Now I may be a shitty writer, but thank goodness Zach Vernon knows how to
make a point. So think about that.